31th August,



The trying times get more trying. I've been taking care of darling Haku but it takes it's toll. It feels like a full time job right now even though i still have school to finish. He needs 3 different medications 4 times a day, and they can't be all 3 given at the same times so i need to sprinkle them out so much throughout the whole day. I feel so mean when some medications i just have to force him to take on the days when he isn't cooperating with me that then i feel extremely overwhelmed and have a very hard time regulating myself so i end up being upset half the day.



Once again i'm being told my government aid is going to be denied if i don't provide decent reasoning to why my school things haven't progressed as planned, i'm so tired of explaining the same things again when i just did during the summer. I'm so close to just dropping out of school because it's too many things to deal with. And my god damn teacher won't answer me it pisses me off.

Sent a message to the dean too so hopefully he answers me so i can get some support here. Always money that ruins things, i don't get why they can't leave me alone with the gov aid that i've explained my situation of a million times. UGH. I'm going to lose it if they make me pay back part of my aid (they said they might do that), how do they think i will be able to pay when that is my only income. Added stress is Haku potentially needing surgery which will cost a lot...





26th August,



Kitty update! Haku got to see the big city vet today and thank god he does not have melanoma, instead it's a herpes acting up. Potentially he got it from his mom at birth and there's a multitude of reasons it can activate, this also explains why he'd previously had eye issues here and there.



It's still not all easy sailing, he's got 4 medicines prescribed and one of them is really expensive, he needs to stay on them for three weeks until the next check up where we'll see if they helped or not. If it didn't help much then they will do eye surgery on him to remove the big dead spot, i understood the whole eye doesn't need to be removed.



Glad my boy has something that can be helped, worried about the costs and very anxious about school. I left my apartment to stay at my parents so they can drive me to the vets, don't know what to do here cause i can't finish my last school things as all my stuff is at my apartment and i need to stay for another 3 weeks to look after my boy and so my parents can take us to the next check up :/



/Small update i get to go back to my apartment on friday with kitty so i can take care of him and school, parents are willing to make the long drive for Haku's check up in three weeks :) <3/





24th August,



Took Haku to the vets, he was being off and his eyes were acting up again. Not a new issue but seemed worse this time so i wanted to take him to get checked up.



Turns out there is something wrong with his left eye, the town vet couldn't do any extensive examination but by the looks of it it could be melanoma. Currently the likely outcome is that he will need to have his eye removed, i'm taking him to the city vet clinic on wednesday where they will see how bad it is. Worst case scenario it's melanoma that's spread beyond the eye, best case scenario it could be some other eye damage in which case he'll be fine living with one eye. Fingers crossed my boy will be alright </3







20th August,



FINALLY i got to coloring my hair, i had the hair dye box sitting around in my house for a few days xD It was called a "terracotta" color but i didn't start bleaching my hair for it so it turned out on the deeper side





Ignore me staring at the mirror lol



I've also been watching so many movies in dc with friends, been pretty nice considering i haven't watched movies in a couple years honestly.





12th August,



Do not feel good an any fronts but my CoD MW 2 special edition version came in! It's so cool i'm so stoked to have it





It's like real working night vision goggles but i'm not gonna put them on my balloon head in case i manage to break them somehow x)





8th August,



My head feels so cluttered it's crazy, can't even focus on thinking for a second like how am i supposed to get anything done like this. I'm just jumping from one sidetrack to another without finishing school thngs Pretty sure i can conclude after a couple months that i've not noticed my ADHD meds making any difference.



So eepy too, i can't seem to sleep much more than 6 hours for some reason since like beginning of July. Feel oddly disconnected from everyone also.



At least i have the prestige edition of og MW 2 coming to my house, such an amazing addition to my collection plus so lucky i found one seller in Finland selling it!





31st July,



The duality of hyperfixations making itself known real hard again i can comprehend and know i have to focus on school things above all else so i can graduate by Christmas, but when a hyperfixation is locked in it's so difficult to switch task off of it for anything else. Or if i do manage to start working on these priority things all i can think about is said fixation so focus it at 0 and nothing gets done still.

It is what it is, chronically behind schedule but i'm feeling pretty happy so i'm not gonna beat myself up over it 

Soon trying out TENS machine for pain relief! Fingers crossed it'll be awesome